All children are different and we all have different ways of coping and communicating, it will also depend on their age and your home situation. Even if your children don’t fully understand, evidence shows that children are less anxious and frightened when there is an open dialogue.

Who might tell them and when to tell

It is recommended that either you or another primary care giver delivers the news, as it’s important that it comes from someone your children love and trust. Family and friends may also be a vital source of support, particularly if you are a single parent. When you choose to tell your children might be after your confirmed diagnosis or when you have a treatment plan. The longer you leave it, the longer your children have to realise and speculate about what is wrong. Ensure that you are in a familiar environment, allow them to ask questions and keep them involved. It is a difficult time, so don’t worry about showing your emotions if you cannot keep calm. Either way your children will know it’s okay to express how they are feeling.

Finding the right words

The right words will depend on your home environment, culture, children’s ages and personalities. Your children may understand more or have a different emotional reaction depending on this.

Your day to day communication will guide what feels right for you; you maybe someone that talks openly or you may choose to keep serious topics between adults. It might be helpful to discuss what you would like to say to other adults close to you and/or your breast care nurse. 

Even if you are able to plan what you would like to say, your children’s reactions and questions maybe unexpected. Keeping things simple and avoiding complicated explanations is a good approach.

Using the word ‘cancer’

A good start maybe gaging how much your child understands about cancer. If possible using the word ‘cancer’ and explaining it in language they can understand from the beginning can help with making the word less frightening. 

‘For example, you could explain that the body is made up of tiny building blocks called cells. Sometimes these cells change into cancer cells ­– they don’t look like normal cells and they behave differently. Cancer cells can stop the body working properly. You could also explain that there are lots of different types of cancer, and breast cancer is one of these.’

How you choose to approach this is entirely up to you and will most likely depend on your children’s age and understanding. 

A lovely resource was produced by the Little C Club:

The Mummy Kit