Dealing with grief at Christmas

Everybody grieves in different ways but we hope some of these tips and resources will offer some help and support to you if you need it this Christmas.

Grief is a different experience for everyone, and people can experience it in different forms. You may be grieving the loss of a loved one this Christmas or grieving your life before breast cancer. Your loss may be recent or a long time ago. Whatever way, Christmas can be a particularly difficult time, as many people have yearly traditions which can highlight change and lead to comparison. So, we have collated some tips, ideas and advice for different coping strategies at this time of year.

Loss at Christmas

Christmas can have many trigger points, from family traditions to music and adverts. There is no prescriptive way to navigate loss, we all will experience and react to it in different ways. So, this collation of ideas offers different approaches to grieving in the hope some might work for you.

It’s important to communicate how you are feeling. The pressure of trying to please others at Christmas may weigh heavy but it is better to be honest with those around you. This means the people around you can support you in the way you need.
Take time to remember your loved one in your own way. Everyone has their own special ways of remembering those who have passed, from visiting their grave or watching their favourite film, to having something which represents them on your tree.
Take time out if you need, look after yourself! It’s important to prioritise your own emotions and physical capability, grief has a massive toll on this. So, it’s okay to need a break, even at Christmas.
Talk to someone if you are struggling to cope. This may be a family member or friend. If you feel like you need more support, speak to a professional.
Respect that other people grieve differently. Others who you know may be grieving the same person, making it an emotional environment. Be mindful of the way others around you process and like to cope.
Don’t feel bad for changing tradition and doing something totally different. Or you might feel retaining tradition is more important to you. Either way, do what is best for you.
Remember, it’s still okay to enjoy Christmas and it’s okay if you can’t.

Grieving life before breast cancer

Grief is your emotional response to loss and so it’s okay to grieve your life before cancer. It’s important to process and to acknowledge change, even if it can be painful. Christmas may look different for you this year as you may struggle more emotionally and physically. Here are some ways to help manage these feelings at Christmas:

Talk to your loved ones. Be very clear and transparent about how you are feeling. They want to support you, not for you to pretend everything is okay. If you are feeling alone, you could look for support groups to speak to others who may be feeling a similar way. It’s okay if your loved one’s support is not enough, sometimes you need to talk to those with shared experience.
If you need a break, take one. Rest, rest and more rest is so important! Try to enjoy the moments in between.
Spend the day with loved ones. Surrounding yourself with people who make you feel comfortable, loved and supported will be important. If possible, ask them to come to you.
Don’t be anything but yourself. No one needs you or wants you to be anything but you. If you are struggling to enjoy Christmas, that’s okay. If you need to sleep, that’s okay. If you want to go over the top with decorating, that’s okay. Whatever it might be that you feel, it’s valid and your loved ones will respect your feelings.
Treat yourself. It’s Christmas and you are going through a tough time. So yes, buy yourself some nice things, you deserve it!

Helpful resources:

Cruse Bereavement Support

Breast Cancer Now – Someone to talk to

Stand up to cancer – Emily