Support for Breast Cancer Patients – Talking About Death

Talking about death can be difficult, even though death is a universal experience that inevitably touches us all. In honour of Dying Matters Week, we’ve compiled some resources to offer support to breast cancer patients facing this difficult topic.

This year, Dying Matters Week focuses on fostering conversations and understanding the language around death, so let’s start the conversation!

Why Discuss Death?

Conversations surrounding death often remain taboo, leaving many unsure of what to say or how to say it. Particularly in cases involving family members or loved ones receiving end-of-life care, having open dialogues with hospice staff is crucial for ensuring understanding and appropriate support.

According to a recent survey carried out by Hospice UK of 1,000+ recently bereaved people:

36% said that they were left with some uncertainty about the likelihood of their loved one dying after speaking with healthcare professionals
62% of people felt that healthcare professionals communicated very well or quite well, during the final period of their loved one’s life
45% of people prefer direct language (e.g. ‘dying’, ‘die’) when talking about death and dying, whilst 33% prefer euphemistic language (e.g. ‘passed away’, ‘not going to make it’, ‘we can’t do any more’)
Older people (+55) tended to prefer using more direct language to talk about terminal diagnoses and dying, while younger people (16-24) had a preference for euphemistic language

Why not take this short quiz to see what language you prefer when discussing death? This can help you to voice a preference.

Harriet’s Story

Our incredible Patron Harriet has started her own conversation around death following her personal experiences. Her father passed away suddenly when she was aged just 11, but her mother did not know his wishes when he died. Harriet says ‘you’d think I would have learnt from that’, but just 10 years later, Harriet lost her mother to breast cancer and once again had to navigate not knowing her parent’s wishes. Cue:

‘The Death Book’

What is The Death Book?

The Death Book is a jotter to help you organise the aftermath to perfection, making sure your nearest and dearest know exactly what’s what following your demise.

This amazing little book gets you thinking about every detail with sections guiding you through like ‘The Big Day’ and ‘The Soppy Stuff’. Along with prompts like; what I would like to wear, where to find important paperwork, hymns, guestlist, life insurance, love letters… It is all in this book, to help the people you leave behind and to ensure that you get what you want when you die.

There’s even a few quotes in there… ‘If you want to live a life, get prepared for death.’ – Sigmund Freud.

‘Grief is the price we pay for love.’ – Queen Elizabeth II

We love these quotes because they normalise and reinforce the universal experience of death. Our fears, concerns and wants really are a universal topic of conversation that we can all relate to… if we just start talking. This book is the perfect starting point as it is private and personal, introducing you to thinking about the bigger picture before you’re ready to talk. Even if you’re not, your loved ones will know all that they need simply by filling it in!

Reviews for The Death Book

‘The best book you didn’t realise you needed’ – Jayne

‘Soften the blow for those you love and leave behind’ – Victoria

‘It takes the stress away from loved ones who are grieving’ – Ruth

You can buy The Death Book here. £1 from every book sold goes to Maggie’s charity.

Recommended Reading About Death

If The Death Book feels a little scary right now, and you’d like to get more comfortable thinking about death first, here are our recommended reads. We hope these books offer support for breast cancer patients and beyond.

‘With the End in Mind’ – Dr Kathryn Mannix

Dr Kathryn Mannix, a pioneer in palliative medicine, aims to remove the fear around death and help people to prepare, talk about and set out their wishes for when they die.

‘Listen’ – Dr Kathryn Mannix

This is Kathryn’s second publication sharing the insights and experiences from her career as a palliative care doctor to help everyone have better, more honest conversations.

‘The Language of Kindness’ – Christie Watson

This honest account shares Christie Watson’s experiences as a professional and a daughter. Helping readers to reflect on personal experiences and losses, whilst encouraging conversations.

‘Dear Life: A doctor’s story of love and loss’ – Rachel Clarke

This personal account and reflection from palliative care doctor, Rachel Clarke, helps to shed light on the experience of those affected by life limiting illness, including her beloved GP father who was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She shares how we can focus on the most important parts of life as we near the end: with more love, more strength, more kindness, more smiles, more dignity, more joy, more tenderness and more compassion. It is a love letter – to a father, to a profession, to life itself.

‘Ashes to Admin’ – Evie King

Evie shares moving yet humorous stories from her career organising funerals where family or friends are unable to. Not only do you get to learn some practical information about funeral planning but her uplifting style normalises death, explaining that people who work around death are generally upbeat and cheerful – as facing death takes away the fear that festers in most people.

* Resources from Hospice UK, Dying Matters Week Resources

We hope that these support resources will help you to start conversations about death with confidence, armed with knowledge and using language that feels comfortable to you.

Looking for more support resources?

You can access more support for breast cancer patients via our Support page.